On Ahsoka, Dalinar, Anna of Arendelle, and the Holy Courage of Taking the Next Right Step (In the Middle of It All, Part 4)
But one step I may see.
Not long ago, I had the honor of singing His Eye is On the Sparrow at my papa’s funeral. It was an uncanny experience to sing for someone I loved so deeply who was gone and also to someone who I love even more who remains. My Nanny’s blue eyes were so somber, I’ve never seen them so grieved before. And these lyrics came from my own mouth, “…I am happy, I am free, His eye is on the Sparrow, and I know He watches me.” It was like I was singing from my Papa’s perspective. I may have never felt so close to him as in that moment, knowing he was with Jesus and so I would one day be as well. Those lyrics simultaneously represented my grandfather and my grandmother. They held them both: his freedom from the pain of a brain tumor and every other burden he carried his whole life, and her burden of loneliness and losing her protector and best friend. And then the lyrics, “By the path He leadeth, but one step I may see, His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.” We may only see one step on the right path, but we have it. We have that step, it is ours.
These lyrics are inspired by the Scripture verse in Matthew 10 that highlights God looking out for even the sparrows…so of course, He watches over us. These words have served as a talisman for me, a compass. I’m not the only one who has benefited from keeping their eyes on the next step.
Ahsoka Tano found her next step. A young padawan trained by Anakin Skywalker himself. She entered the scene as a trainee for the Jedi Order just before its demise. Ahsoka made the Jedi proud, but after they forsook their identity as protectors of the peace and abandoned her, she left. She left so she wouldn’t compromise her integrity. In a brief joint mission she partnered with them again to capture a villain. Then Order 66 was initiated. The order for every clone trooper to abandon their own will, their own identity and kill any Jedi. Even their friends. Ahsoka bravely saved her best friend and refused to kill her comrades turned assassins. She held to her love of her brothers and her call to do the right thing despite her very life being at stake. She was the Jedi who chose rightly. The girl who remembered the Jedi Way. I see the Millennial’s story mirrored in Ahsoka’s. Coming of age being trained for a world that when it’s your turn, doesn’t exist. Being so young and having the older generations put all of the world’s problems on you. Then to try to leave the establishment, finding out you still need them to some degree. And then, the world is on fire and though you were just doing your best, the world still blames you. I wonder if Anakin felt this way too. I wonder what would have happened if Ahsoka could have met up with him one more time. What if he talked things out with her? What if he could have still seen the corruption clearly, but resolved things in his heart the way she did? What if Anakin did the next right thing? But that is not what happened. So Ahsoka’s next step was to mourn her friends and rest for a season before she fought the good fight again.
The most important step a man can take?
Sometimes the hardest thing to grieve is not the betrayal of a friend, but our own betrayal of ourselves. Dalinar Kholin could tell you about this. The Blackthorn didn’t get the happy ending he was hoping for. But he surely did live. He fought and warred, he succumbed to temptation. He accidentally killed his wife, and when he could not bear the guilt, even through the bottle, he then magically erased her and her goodness from his memory. Years later, when he learned of what he had done, it almost broke him all over again. But he didn’t give into evil that time. He defiantly declared, “You cannot have my pain!” He spoke over himself, “The most important step a man can take. It’s not the first one, is it? It’s the next one. Always the next step, Dalinar.” He took responsibility for what he had done. He held onto what he knew. He held onto those he loved. He held onto the man he wanted to become. He held onto hope that when the time came, he would have enough. And in an unexpected way, he did have what he needed. He found it by taking the next step.
It’s the next one.
We find Anna of Arendelle in the dark, when all is lost. Her sister, her best friend, her way. She is sobbing in a cave, alone, grieving her sister. Everything depends on her, and as her song stumbles out of her we see her darkness. She knows that nothing will ever be the same again. Perhaps the most realistic, powerful, heartbreaking and dark Disney song ever written. And yet, “A tiny voice whispers…do the next right thing.” Anna gets up and moves forward as she sings, “Take a step, step again…” She ends up saving everyone.
The next right thing.
Whenever I have felt lost I’ve loved this verse from the book of Psalms. “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.” Lamps in those days were just bright enough to cast away the shadow only right in front of your feet. This verse is that reminder that we can sometimes only see what is right in front of us. We can only see the next right step. But one step, we may see. And that is the step we take. It looks simple when I see it written on this page. But it isn’t. I feel that more deeply than I can express. And yet, the truth remains we must take the next step even if it takes all the grit we have in us. Take that step and then rest. Then take another.
Step in the light.
So what is my next step? Generationally, spiritually and physically I still feel like I’m stuck in the middle of it all. Especially in the midst of the wilderness. This positioning is not a place of waiting, wringing hands, teeth clenched. It is not trembling, anticipating the test results. It is not as the Millennial at 40 years old, still fledgling and waiting to have the door opened to opportunity. It is not being a pawn while bigger players in the world keep us in a rat race. It is where miracles happen. It is where there is hope. It is where we find our purpose. Our next right thing. Some days part of me still believes what I’ve been told for so long: not ready…your time will come…you are too young. So I don’t have much of an answer for myself, let alone you. Except that each path we walk is a unique one, so each step will be different. Samuel listened. Esther went trembling to give a dinner invitation. Moses went not knowing the words to speak. Ahsoka determined in her heart to do no harm and to protect whom she could. David fought on behalf of his people. Anna was determined to help her sister. Dalinar would not give in to the darkness. I am determined to come into alignment with who God made me to be.