On Nanny’s Perfect Cup, Uncle Iroh, and Why I Think Softness Might Be Its Own Kind of Strength
I have tea on my mind quite a bit lately…always. Loose leaf. Black, green, herbal, herbs and more herbs. Fermented, yes. Little roses or chamomile florets atop, absolutely. Fruit, again yes. Give me the grassiest matcha there is all day. Well, not literally, I have to limit my caffeine intake. My darling grandmother, we call her Nanny, taught me how to steep an impeccable cup of green tea. She has often lauded that her English friend said she made the perfect cup. I can’t say that about my English friend and my tea making, but I’ll get there one day. I had to learn the rest by trial and more trial. Anyone who knows me well comes into my home and knows they can get a good cup. Unless they prefer real cream. I think the sweetness that comes from steamed almond milk is the best. Over the years I’ve become a tea snob. I often carry a little sachet of tea with me and just get some hot water when we go out. It is a pleasure that is elegant, healthy and has no guilt involved. Those seem rare in life, don’t they? I love tea as a symbol in Chinese and Japanese culture of tranquility, harmony and respect. Going a little more niche, I think of the character Uncle Iroh that we meet in the Avatar: The Last Airbender series. He is one of my all time favorites as he sees tea as a symbol of joy, connection, and the simple pleasures in life. Even to the extent that he likens the daily ritual to breathing itself.
I’ve been following a gentleman’s series on how to make your life more elegant. He shares small pleasures or intentional moments he has noticed create elegance in his life. I come from the messy bun, hot mess era. I wouldn’t call my way elegant, perhaps I can get away with whimsical organic beauty. On a good day. What I do want to pursue more intentionally is softness. I’ve been thinking about Eleanor Roosevelt’s famous quote, “A woman is like a tea bag–you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.” I used to react in astonishment whenever I was reminded of the concept. Perhaps I still do. This idea that the strength of women is just lying in wait is real. Most of my life the culture has been telling me to be a strong woman. This was taught in my family as well. Through my health journey, heartaches, losses and wins, I am genuinely strong. And yet, what if softness has its own kind of strength? That could change everything.
Right now I practice softness in different ways. Resting is a big one. And tea, always tea. Resting is important and possible when we set our hearts and minds on it. The Sabbath was built into creation. It is reiterated throughout Scripture, perhaps one of my favorites being in Psalm 46. “Be still and know that I am God.” This proves that stillness is not the laziness that our culture makes it out to be. Stillness is not optional but essential for health and wellness of spirit, mind and body. Though I know its value, I am still learning to genuinely let down my guard and guilt when I rest. Ritual is how I am accomplishing this. Tea. Be it a warm cup in hand, warm sunshine on my face and cool grass in the toes each morning. Or a candle lit with a notebook, favorite pen and a cup of rooibos nearby. Soft music as I put away laundry or taking an extra beat before I check my buzzing phone. A deep breath before my feet hit the floor, or three things that bring me joy before my head hits the pillow. I invite you into a practice of softness.
So, the next time you’d like to come over for a cup of tea, just come. I’ll put on the kettle.
References and Inspirations:
Avatar: The Last Airbender. Created by Michael DiMartino and Bryan Konietzko. Nickelodeon, 2005–2008. — featuring the character Uncle Iroh.
Roosevelt, Eleanor — “A woman is like a tea bag — you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.” Attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt.