Anne of Green Gables Would Never
Summer afternoon sunshine. Blonde pigtails. Bare feet. Barbies on the sidewalk. Bugs zipping in the rays under the trees. It was a perfect afternoon. Time moved, or ceased to move, in a way that is now foreign to me as an adult. A friend pulled out her nail polish collection so we set aside the dolls for a moment to choose a color and go to town. I knew I wasn’t allowed to wear colors that were too crazy, but I wanted to try something other than pink or red. Brittney suggested bright orange. Perfect. I was maybe nine or ten years old and she was too. My friend who lived on the corner was a fashion-forward girl with a swimming pool at her house. She was cool, probably still is. Spending time with her made me want to try new things with my style. So orange nail polish it was. Before long she had to go home, and like so many occasions in the 90s, another friend would come by and we would pick up where we left off. This time, though, there was a girl that I hadn’t met before. I don’t know how long we were playing before she took a look at my nails and immediately had a mocking energy. “Oh you think you are so cool with your orange nail polish.” I was shocked. I knew it was cool. I mean, Brittney had it. And yet, perhaps I wasn’t worthy of it for some reason. I had been artistic, drawing, singing, piano, painting and more for as long as I could remember. But perhaps my creativity had limits and I just crossed them. I kept my head down and I started picking off the polish.
Two things have long stifled my creativity: staying within the bounds of society and creating only for what is a tangible, useful purpose. This moment really did prevent me from experimenting for a long time. And it wasn’t the only time. I dare say you may be thinking of a similar moment for you. For me, I learned it was safer to not be seen. Then I would learn again to express myself through creativity. Another distinct moment I remember not so long ago, when I was enjoying posting little reels about my life on social media. Just something fun about my day set to a song. Backlash. Like the kind that ends friendships. I internalized that it was because of my posting and it is better to be private. No one can assume anything about your life if you don’t show it to them. And while there are many good reasons to keep our lives private, losing friendships that weren’t real friends to begin with, should not be on that list. Now here I am, putting pieces of my life and heart out there into the world again.
Here’s the thing…there is a cost to being seen. And there is a cost to being invisible too. Sometimes hiding is a higher cost than shining your light. I think of the verse in Matthew 5:15 that says it just doesn’t make sense to have a light hidden under a bowl. I think of Anne of Green Gables. She certainly did not have a problem shining. She was constantly being told she was too much. She used her imagination, unparalleled. She was joyful, loud and creative. And I for one love her floral hat that she caught so much grief for. Anne with an “e” was stubbornly herself, and I love her for it. While I was so much more shy and couldn’t quite get the momentum she did, I can relate.
If you will excuse me, I’m going to go find some Y2K bright orange nail polish.
References and Inspiration:
Anne of Green Gables. Directed by Kevin Sullivan, performances by Megan Follows and Colleen Dewhurst, CBC/Disney Channel, 1985.
Montgomery, L.M. Anne of Green Gables. L.C. Page & Company, 1908.