The Roses Are Already Open: On Closed Gates, Secret Gardens and Trusting God With What You Can’t Yet See
When I was a little girl I loved to swim. Things haven’t changed much there.
They were the dog days of summer. I was seven. One of my brothers came into this world, but he was very ill. He was in the NICU for several weeks dealing with a number of issues that, thank the Lord, in time his little body was able to overcome. But in the meantime my dad ran his own business and took care of his three other children while my mother was with her newborn baby as much as she possibly could be. Those days were long and hot. Right next to the hospital where my brother was being cared for was a lovely, inviting swimming pool. Every day we would drive by, either bringing my mother or visiting my brother. I had every reason to believe he would be right as rain and couldn’t understand what a hardship that was on my family. Every one of them pitched in; one of my aunts would answer phones in my mom’s stead, family friends came to tidy our home and my Nanny did just about anything she could get her hands on to do. In this season I leveled up on my own chores and responsibilities as well. But I was a kid in the summertime and I loved to swim. I would look at that swimming pool every time we walked by and it was like my mouth watered. We would get home some days after dark, sticky from the day and exhausted. One of those days my dad was determined to take us to the pool. He had been promising for some time, and that was the day. We packed our swim gear and we headed over to find a closed gate. It was closed for the day. We tried another pool but by the time we made the long trek home it was dusk and that was closed too. And I had had enough. I fell to pieces. I never threw fits, I didn’t even cry when I was born…I was so amiable. But that day, I could not be comforted. My dad had promised, and then he didn’t keep that promise. I can’t imagine being in his shoes and working as hard as he did, thinking a missed day at the pool is the least of anyone’s worries. And yet, he was patient and kind but also said enough was enough. I remember feeling so ashamed and kneeling by my bed to pray. I asked for forgiveness. For I was a terror that evening. Looking back I probably needed a snack and someone to hold me, but I also wouldn’t trade the lesson I learned that day.
Let’s talk about the power of snacks. God said to Elijah: nap and eat. If you don’t know this biblical account it is of the prophet who was fleeing for his life through the desert. He came upon a juniper tree and prayed for his life to end. Some would call him dramatic, some would call him weak of spirit. I’d say he was worn down to his bones and when our minerals are low and our bodies are breaking down, things need tending to, not decision making. And not in so many words, God’s response to Elijah was remarkedly similar. He fell asleep and God sent an angel who brought him food and told him to eat. And then the angel brought him another meal so he had the strength to continue his journey and his calling. God does provide miracles, and He also knows that we are human and have needs too. This account helps me to have a little bit more grace with myself when I’m struggling with all of these health challenges and it seems I need more than I think I should to take the next step in my life.
In this too, we plan, we have expectations, especially of ourselves, but God provides.
On that evening so many years ago, when I had gotten everything out of my system, my dear father came back to my room. I said I was sorry and we made up and then he told me what was in store for us. He had made arrangements with our next door neighbor to do a night swim. So not only did we get to swim, but we swam with our friends–and a night swim was the ultimate cool experience as a kid. I’ll never forget it. I barely remember the fun we had, I’m sure it flew by. But I do remember standing at the top of the ladder of the pool, looking into the deep blue water with a couple of car lamps shining brightly down and colorful floaties and such adorning it and the wonder at my heart feeling so full it could burst. But I also will never forget that feeling that I didn’t trust God to make things right.
He kept His promise, He just took a moment to make it even better than I could have imagined.
We can plan. God directs.
I am reminded of another little girl having a simple ask. Mary asked for a bit of earth to tend. The quite contrary little girl, lost family, lost home, lost culture. She finds herself an addition to an estate looming on the edge of an expansive marsh, both moor and estate are mysterious and eerie and each with its own brooding personality. Her uncle is elusive and ghosts fill the hallways of the house, some made of memory and loss, others made of fear and disillusionment. And yet Mary is led by a new friend, a gardener, a robin and tenacious curiosity to find something to do, which turns into a desire to help things grow. And grow they did. With the turn of a key she discovered a secret nestled in between walls of stone. She helps turn a garden that is seemingly dead into a wonder. Mary and her friends see the transformation from just one little bud emerging from the earth to a whole garden of roses flowing like streams over every surface. Stone archways and bridges covered in vines and green growing things, a mini meadow, sunlight streaming through leaves of every kind and the best of all, children growing and laughing within its bosom. A bit of earth grew into something much more than either Mary or her uncle could have imagined.
We can plan. God provides. He makes a way.
Isaiah 43:19 says, “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”
Right now I am standing outside another gate of my own. It seems that my walls are made from the limits of my health, and so much more. I long for the key to find my bit of earth and find God has already been tending the garden that is in the full bloom of July. The roses already open. He has made a way. I am longing for that shift from faith to seeing that God has kept His promises. I’m still here, kneeling before the Lord, asking with my whole heart for Him to make it even better than I imagined. Lord, please make it better. Heal. Protect. Provide. Make a way. Please in this very moment. Make a way.
References and Inspiration:
Burnett, Frances Hodgson. The Secret Garden. Frederick A. Stokes Company, 1911.
The Secret Garden. Directed by Agnieszka Holland, performances by Maggie Smith and Kate Maberly, Warner Bros., 1993.